you ruined everything

March 2042 - Viola Cameron is 50, Alison Cameron and Toby Wright are 16, Bella is six months.

Alison's days begin before dawn with the sound of Bella's cry through the baby monitor. A year ago she would hit the snooze button on her alarm clock over and over until her mother insisted she get up, but now she gets out of bed before her eyes are fully open. After six months of parenthood she's perfected the half-asleep stumble from her bedroom to Bella's for the first diaper change of the day.

A year ago Alison got ready for school slowly, wandering around the house in her pajamas and lingering over her breakfast. But now she has to rush; it's hard to get both of them up and fed before she has to leave for school.

After studying from home for the fall semester, Alison started going school again in January, and she's still getting used to being away from Bella during the day.

Viola watches Bella while Alison is in school. She loves taking care of her granddaughter, and she doesn't want the baby to keep Alison from finishing high school.

On warm days Viola sets up Bella's bouncy chair in the backyard so she can enjoy the sunshine while Viola works in the garden. Since Neil died, they've been living off his life insurance and savings, and Viola has started a vegetable garden to save money on groceries.

Alison loves seeing her daughter's face light up when she gets home from school.

There's a lot to juggle after school, but Alison's always been good at budgeting her time. Once she struggled to squeeze in homework between cross country practice and dinner; now she races to finish her assignments while Bella is sleeping.

Sometimes Toby comes by in the evenings. He's so busy after school with track practice and his part-time job at the newspaper, he never makes it to the Cameron house until dinner time.

"It's time for Bella's bottle. Do you want to give it to her?"

"Uh, me?"

So Alison feeds Bella while Toby watches. Six months ago she was just as scared to be around their baby as Toby, but after six months of diapers and feedings, it's all second nature.

Viola takes Bella for a while so Alison and Toby can have some time alone together. But lately things have been strained and awkward between them. Listening to Toby talk about school and friends and college prep just makes her feel jealous and lonely.

"So what's new with you?"

"Nothing really. You should go soon, I'm really tired, and I still have to give Bella her bath."

*****

Now that Clara is a second year resident, her schedule is a lot lighter, and she tries to come over to her mother's house every week.

"We had an ultrasound this week and everything looks good. It's still too early to tell the sex, but we'll be able to tell soon."

When Bella wakes up from her nap, Alison brings her downstairs to see her aunt.

"She's so beautiful. And she's getting so big!"

"Yeah. She eats a lot. She just started eating solid food."

"So how are you doing?"

People ask her all the time, but Alison never knows how to answer. Being a mother is a lot harder than she had thought - she's constantly exhausted, and frustrated from spending all of her free time inside with the baby, and she misses her friends. But she also loves baby Bella more than she knew it was possible to love someone.

"I'm good," she says. "Tired but good."

*****

The title of this update comes from a Jonathon Coulton song that think sums up Alison's situation very well. My favorite part goes:

You should know
How great things were before you.
Even so,
They're better still today.
I can't think of who I was before.
You ruined everything in the nicest way.